…So, Here I Am.


It’s been a little over a year, since my brother passed away. I think of him and miss him everyday. I know that I have stated before that he was my best friend in the world. And when you are that close to someone, you never really know what will bring all those memories, of that person, crashing back down on you…until you lose them, and then stumble upon one of those little somethings.

I think I’ve been doing a very good job at ‘moving on’ from my brothers death. Don’t get me wrong, it will never stop hurting. I will never stop missing him. I will never wake up without the memories of my brother nor will I ever, stop wishing that he was here. However, time does teach you lessons in handling things. And, it does get easier to handle, just a tiny bit, everyday.

But, then there are those days, when you are just minding your own business..and you run along something. And for some reason, that random little thing, brings with it so many feelings and images.

So, here I am. Going through this bag of shirts, that used to belong to my brother. I am holding together seemingly well. I’m excited about this project. I am planning to make my mom, dad, and I each a throw blanket with his old shirts.

Then, as I dump out the bag full of t-shirts and polos; out rolls a bottle of medicine. Martin was on many different medicines that he had to take, every single day, in order to keep his body functioning and himself alive.

And here I sit. With this medicine bottle. You can tell that half of the label has been rubbed against over and over. The paper is peeling and rolling off in little pieces. I can’t even tell what medication it is. Not that I would be able to pronounce it, anyway. Something or other ‘-talopram’. I’m just sitting here, examining this bottle, with tears welding up in my eyes. Of all his things that I have…why does this medicine bottle conjure up such deep feelings?

Maybe because it’s a vivid memory that I have of him? Maybe just because, it is something that I haven’t had to ‘deal’ with or see since he has been gone..

I’m really not sure what it is about this old, beat up medicine bottle but, it sure does hit my ‘feelings button’.

Have you ever lost someone really close to you? What random things remind you of them? How do you deal?

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