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Rest In Peace, Bubba: Second Anniversary

Two years ago today, it was a Thursday…and I woke up to a series of phone calls that changed my life, forever. I still can’t believe that I have gone this long without seeing your face. I now understand why I had that overwhelming urge to tell you that I loved you the night before…and boy, am I glad that I did. I am so glad that I made sure to tell you so much. I’m so glad that we were so close and I spent every minute with you possible. That also makes it so much harder.
What makes it easier for me, is knowing that it was at the fault of no one at all that we lost you..the fact that, you started your life with our parents believing that they would never even take you home alive. The fact that, you had such a short life expectancy, and you well outlived that.
It helps me, knowing that you are out of all your pain, that you saw and felt constantly. For I know, that every feeling of sadness that I have is pure selfishness. And I am not putting myself down for that. If there was ever a moment in my life where I deserved to be selfish, it is in, missing you. But, that’s also my biggest help moving on. The fact that all of those feelings, every last one of them…are feelings of selfishness because, I miss you and want you in my life, physically. I know you are in a far better place now and you are no longer enduring constant pain. But, no one in this world will ever be able to replace my funny, one of a kind, big/little brother.

I just ask that you remain with us everyday. I want you to watch over mom and dad. I need you to be there while your niece is growing up. Don’t think for a second that, I’ll make being my big brother any easier, just because you are now in the after life. Please know that no one will ever take your place and my children will know their Uncle Martin, as well as possible. I know you are here with us because, every time I ask Blayden where Uncle Martin is, he reaches for your urn or your picture. That still gets me.

I love you with all my soul & I miss you every day, Bubba.

Love always,




Martini the Great. My Big/Little Brother

Today I am just reflecting on how I was somehow blessed enough to have this man as not only my brother, but my very best friend. He is without a doubt, Hero Status. I’ve learned so much, & will continue learning so much from him.

My brother struggled with many, many difficulties, from the day he entered this world. He was a dwarf and his condition was accompanied by many physical issues. His lifetime was full of surgeries, back braces, physical problems, physical set back, and the list could go on forever.

Despite all of this, Martin lead an extraordinary life. Don’t get me wrong…his struggles were very real. They have so much depth to them, that I pray most people don’t have to ever withstand in their lifetime.

Martin’s a very easy going guy who loved ALL of his family & friends. He has absolutely no problem meeting new people and he loved making new friends. Martin loved stand-up comedy and he aspired to be a stand-up comedian one day. Martin earned his associate’s degree in Criminal Justice. He was also a Volunteer Fire Fighter for 5+ years.

Martini (as I liked to call him) had No filter, he was an open book & always there for anyone who needed. Hilarious beyond reason. Biggest little guy around, without a doubt. Extremely intelligent, very open-minded, sarcastic, & blunt. A friend to everyone, Martin has always been a true angel.

After he left us, SO many people came in contact with me. Some of them just to let me know the impact he had on their life…while others, almost seemed to need to connect to me because, of how devastating it was to lose him. Martin struggled with suicidal like issues in a rough patch of his life. Little did we all know, that he was using these experiences to help others overcome their own self-harming thoughts, etc.

I couldn’t begin to imagine my life without the experiences/good times/crazy moments we shared. Truly one of the strongest people I’ve had the pleasure of knowing. Even when he hit rock bottom, he rose above it all. There will never be another man quite like this one. Dynamite sure does come in small packages.

Martin passed away respectfully & peacefully in his sleep. And he more than deserved to go peacefully. He had been having a lot of health complications within the entire year before he died. His passing was due to his low blood sugar. When he left us, he was in a sugar coma of sorts. And while this is sad…it also comforts me a little knowing that. In a sugar coma, you are well beyond having become aggressive, then delusional. Thus, even if he encountered pain, he probably was not aware of it.

He will forever watch over us.

I love you with all my heart & soul, Martin LeBlanc. I thank God for every day that I had you here with me…and for every day that I have you by my side as my angel. God bless your soul. You will always be the BEST BIG brother in the world. And you’ll always be my very bestest friend. There’s not a chance in the world that anyone could take your place. My heart is with you forever.

Rest In Peace Martini!