Tag Archives: Moving on

Rest In Peace, Bubba: Second Anniversary

Two years ago today, it was a Thursday…and I woke up to a series of phone calls that changed my life, forever. I still can’t believe that I have gone this long without seeing your face. I now understand why I had that overwhelming urge to tell you that I loved you the night before…and boy, am I glad that I did. I am so glad that I made sure to tell you so much. I’m so glad that we were so close and I spent every minute with you possible. That also makes it so much harder.
What makes it easier for me, is knowing that it was at the fault of no one at all that we lost you..the fact that, you started your life with our parents believing that they would never even take you home alive. The fact that, you had such a short life expectancy, and you well outlived that.
It helps me, knowing that you are out of all your pain, that you saw and felt constantly. For I know, that every feeling of sadness that I have is pure selfishness. And I am not putting myself down for that. If there was ever a moment in my life where I deserved to be selfish, it is in, missing you. But, that’s also my biggest help moving on. The fact that all of those feelings, every last one of them…are feelings of selfishness because, I miss you and want you in my life, physically. I know you are in a far better place now and you are no longer enduring constant pain. But, no one in this world will ever be able to replace my funny, one of a kind, big/little brother.

I just ask that you remain with us everyday. I want you to watch over mom and dad. I need you to be there while your niece is growing up. Don’t think for a second that, I’ll make being my big brother any easier, just because you are now in the after life. Please know that no one will ever take your place and my children will know their Uncle Martin, as well as possible. I know you are here with us because, every time I ask Blayden where Uncle Martin is, he reaches for your urn or your picture. That still gets me.

I love you with all my soul & I miss you every day, Bubba.

Love always,




You Don’t Live There Anymore.

Your past does not define you. Some people just do not know how to move on.

Don’t be discouraged if you have to remind them, that you don’t live there anymore.

Moving On.

Thus far, I can’t say that any point of my life has ever been boring, normal, or even made sense for that matter. But, what I can say is..it’s been interesting, surprising, a well rounded.

There’s no need to drag you into my younger years. I promise you that we do not have the time or the memories required, lol. However, I’d like to briefly cover the last couple years or so of it. Just so we can get to know each other a little.(:

I’ve met the man of my dreams, moved twice in a year, completed cosmetology school, found a job, and somehow acquired 5 dogs.

On the other side of things, I have dealt with alcoholic problems in my family, almost losing a very close friend, saying goodbye to my brother/best friend (RIP. that’s another post, another time), & helping my fiancé manage through discovering his father has cancer & losing him, all in less than a year.

Needless to say, there’s never a dull moment. I can’t say it’s a perfect life; but, I can say it always works out. It’s a beautiful mess that I have found myself in; though extremely hard at times..I wouldn’t want to change a thing about it.

Except maybe being pregnant. I’d like to have a baby. But, I’ll be patient, like a good little girl.

Until next time,
Love, Peace, & Rollerblading Llamas✌